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volumes of the Ask Gorpo! column!
Volume 16: February 20, 2003
Gorpo fans...the G-Man's here, back with another round of
my everlovin' fans.
It is I, one of your arch nemesises..nemisi. nem.. um.. it's
me, DR. OMEGA!! In your last column,Toadus Rexicus asked about
the differences between Faker I and Faker II:
I have a simple question about the classic toy line. After
viewing many pictures over the years, I have yet to notice
what the difference is between Faker I and Faker II...
You advised to go to He-man.org for answers. Perhaps I can
help you to answer this one. Maybe you didn't know them very
well, but the Fabulous Faker Boys used to live in my neighborhood.
We grew up together. Faker I was a bit of a loner, and more
moody than his brother. He was fairly clean and tidy, had
at least 4 dead giveaways when playing poker and played a
mean guitar. Faker II was a the slob. He didn't have any musical
talent, but was a great dancer and quite the ladies man. He
also had a bit of a problem with the drink. In fact, weren't
you there at the intervention to try to get him off the 10W40?
Most people want to know which one was tougher, though. While
both of them were pretty strong, the real powerhouse was their
mom. I can tell you, she was one tough Mother Faker!
Anyway, my question:
I notice that you and Orko dress really similarly. I would
think that you would want to distance yourself from him as
much as possible. So, have you ever thought about giving yourself
a makeover? Maybe get a little "Gansta' Rapper"
look, like that Limp Bizkit cover?
- Dr. Omega
First off, who's column is this, mine or yours? But seriously,
thanks for the--um, "facts" on the two Fakers. As
for Orko and I, the truth is--these aren't costumes. We Trollans
actually float around stark naked. It's true! SO I could no
easier change my outfit than you could change your skin color...and
why would I want to do that? I happen to like royal purple...
Gorpo, what deodorant does He-Man use? I mean, Teela doesn't
die instantly when she's around him so he must have some remedy
for body odor. Not that I have a body odor problem, or anything....
He-Man uses Eternium Supergel, the Most Powerful Deodorant
in the Universe. Unfortunately, it's made special by the Sorceress,
so you're going to have to live with your own stench.
I have something to ask you and i was wondering if you could
maybe shed some light on the subject. The character stinkor
had his own figure in the 80's series ... you know, the one
with the smell... why is it he never made an apperance on
any of the He-Man episodes. NOT one time did we ever see STINKOR
in any of the 130 episodes of the original. Do you think they
bring him back in the new series? or even make a new figure
of him? I know he wasn't very popular,but he is still a Character
of He-Man and should deserve to be included in the series.
Stinkor was a victim of technology. In the early '80s there
was a brief fad with something called Smellivision, in which
a special box was attached to one's TV that emitted smells
based on the show that was on. Filmation was worried that
having Stinkor on such modified TVs might cause kids to get
sick (Beast Man was bad enough), so they kept Stinkor off
O, Great and Powerful Gorpo,
What has happened? Are you not well? You seemed to be a little,
well, polite, during the last column. I mean, other than that
wannabe, Scareglow, you didn't even mock anyone. You actually
seemed to want to help people! I'm almost starting to lose
respect for you...
And exactly why should I care whether you have any respect
for me or not, you being an insignificant peon compared to
the heavenly might of Gorpo? I don't trouble myself with the
opinions of those on par with ruminants.
Dear Gorpo: the ruthless and wise,
I have the misfortune of being made stage manager to the cast
from Hades. This would not be such a problem if I were not
an angel. Try as I may, my heart is not into my newly appointed
conversion to demon status. Though I often say the right words
I cannot instill the sense of fear for life and limb necessary
to my job. I fear my superior will soon clip my wings if this
situation is not rectified. And so, I have written to you
in the hope of some professional guidance and enlightenment.
First off, get yourself into a schedule of daily whippings
and torture. Once you've got your cast and crew on the ropes
(literally), you'll have a better sense of how demonhood can
work for you. Once you're settled, I suggest upping the ante
with a few sacrifices (try the tech people; there are always
plenty of them) and maybe a summoning - I recommend Rubicante
or Malacoda, they've got some background in drama. Use them
to frighten the last few holdouts and you'll be good to go!
Well, that's it for this month. Be sure to send along
more questions to email@example.com.
Ta ta for later!