"When
Good Cheese Goes Bad XVII"
By TJ Foss (Sea Hawk)
20th
Century Fox, in conjunction with Sea Hawk present:
He-Man
and the Masters of the Universe in:
WHEN
GOOD CHEESE GOES BAD XVII
Adam:
Y'know, I'm really getting tired of all these stupid, pointless
Fox specia-oh! Hello there, and welcome to another wonderful
He-Man specials from our good friends at Fox. I'll be your
host for a terrifying and horrifying hour. You know how most
people like cheese? Well, what happens when good cheese...goes
bad? Prepare yourselves for WHEN GOOD CHEESE GOES BAD EX-VEE-EYE-EYE!
Director:
CUT!
Adam:
This is live. We can't 'cut'.
Director:
Um...I'm really Skeletor! Die, He-Man!
Adam:
He-Man...uh...isn't here.
Skeletor
(Yep, he's Skeletor now): You're He-Man!
Adam:
I...uh...don't know what you're talking about.
Zoar:
Skreee! Skreeee!
Adam:
Quit being repetitious!
Zoar:
I'm not! The second one had an extra 'e'
Adam:
You can talk?
Apes:
It can talk! It can talk! It can talk! Dr Zaius!
Adam:
Quiet, you!
Zoar:
No, I can't talk.
Adam:
You just did!
Zoar:
No I didn't.
Adam:
Is that a coconut you're carrying?
Zoar:
Only sparrows carry coconuts! Skree!
Skeletor:
I want more lines!
Orko:
It's Zoar! I'll bet the Sorceress is going to send Adam a
telepathic message!
Zoar:
Um...yeah! I mean...Skreee!
Sorceress
(Telepelethetically): Adam, the director is really Skeletor
in disguise!
Adam
(Telepathetically): Duh. They revealed that minutes ago.
Sorceress
(Televisionally): Don't 'chu talk back!
*She
slaps him across the mouth*
Adam:
Ow! How the hell did you do that?
Sorceress:
I don't have power outside of Grayskull.
(Hordak
takes a drink)
MFLulder:
Greyskull.
Newbie:
Rite. I sawed it spelleded that wae on a websight.
Sea
Hawk (The me one): Shamalamadingdong! It's GrAyskull!
Adam
(The Tyner one): Take it to personal e-mail.
Nick
(The Annoying one):
Alex
and Leanne (They aren't the only ones saying this, just the
loudest ones. And I didn't want to have to write everyone's
names out on the--
Adam
(cartoon one): Quiet, you!
Leanne
and Alex: They're both annoying.
Nick
(Um...the one from all the flame wars.):
Alex
and Leanne: Which one?
Nick
(Uh...the one who doesn't run the Grayskull Library.):
Leanne
and Alex: Oh, Darn.
Rod:
I'm sad.
Paul:
Me too.
Sea
Hawk (The me one again): Me three.
Sorrowful:
So am I.
Um...where
was I? Oh, yeah.
Nick
(The one who doesn't run the Grayskull Library.): i LIkE FlAMeZ.
Adam
(The Chris one): Boot!
*Nick
is booted*
GoG:
Yay!
Nick
(The one who doesn't write fanfic.): I'S BaCk WiT' A nEw LasT
nAMe!
He-Ro
(The well-fed one): Ooh! Let me try!
Adam
(The Tyneriffic one): Why not?
He-Ro:
Boot!
*Nick
gets da boot again*
GoG:
Yay!
Zodac:
All right, break it up. You're disturbing the Cosmic Balance.
*Adam
(The cartoon one) runs off like a little pansy*
Randor:
He's such a pansy.
Newbie
(to Zodac, who you've already forgotten was in the story):
Hooze syde RU awn?
Zodac:
I work for good. Unless good is being bad, then I work for
bad, because they're being good. But if the good bad guys
are bad and the bad good guys are good, and no one's taking
over the universe or holding up the cosmic convenience store,
then I like pie. So, you see, He-Man really isn't a Nazi porn
star.
GoG
(Enlightened-sounding, then puzzled-sounding): Ahhh...wha?
Zodac:
Bye now!
Loo-Kee:
That's my line!
Zodac:
Zapp!
GoG:
Zap?
Zodac:
Zapp!
*Zodac
zapps Loo-Kee. Loo-Kee dies.*
GoG:
Yay!
Universe:
Yay!
*The
universe rejoices*
Universe
(Rejoicing): Rejoice!
Zodak:
I'm here!
Zadoc:
Me too!
Zodac:
Who the hell are you?
Zodak:
I'm you, but spelled differently.
Zadoc:
I co-um...run the Episode Review site.
Skeletor:
I want more lines!
Part
IV: Once again, nothing even remotely resembling a plot will
appear below.
Adam:
I have to stop Skeletor! By the power of Grayskull, Greyskull,
Graeskull, Graeyskull, and Phil-
Cringer:
Phil?
Adam:
It's pronounced 'Grayskull'.
I
HACE-
Cringer:
HAVE!
Adam:
Have what?
Mad
Hatter: A very merry un-birthday!
Cringer:
The power!
Adam:
The power?
Cringer:
Repeat after me:
Adam:
After me, after me, after me.
Cringer:
Oh, for crying out loud. Give me the long sword, ho!
Lady
Capulet: A crutch, a crutch! Why call you for a sword?
*Adam
gives Cringer the long sword, ho!*
Lion-O:
I have a long sword. Ho!
Cringer:
I am Lord of the ThunderCats!
Lion-O:
No, I am lord of the ThunderCats!
Skeletor:
I am Lord of Darkness!
Michael
Flatley: I am Lord of the Dance!
*The
entire cast breaks out into a Celtic dance*
Cringer:
Okay Adam, watch me. By the power of Grayskull, I have the
power!
*Cringer
is struck by lightning and dies. He stands up, wearing He-Man's
vest and furry underwear, then shoots Adam with the sword's
energy. Adam is now wearing Battle Cat's saddle-thingy and
mask-dohickey.*
Adam
(To Cringer, in case you fergots): Your voice is higher.
Cringer:
Your underwear...too tight...take sword.
Adam
(With sword. This is a variant edition, of course, and worth
much more than the 'Adam with half-eaten chicken leg' and
'Adam with board with rusty nail in it'): By the power of
Phil, I have the power!
*Nothing
happens. Nope, no more lightning*
Cringer:
Uh-oh. We blew our budget. Time to do a cheesy crossover to
make money.
*Cringer
pulls out a Poké Ball.*
Cringer:
Cringer calls Charmander!
Charmander:
Squirtle.
(Bet'cha
didn't expect that, did you?)
Part
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII-The Madness Continues
(Ash
and Cringer are playing cards)
Ash:
Got any 3's?
Cringer:
Go fish.
Goldeen:
Goldeen.
Mer-Man:
Goldeen.
Adam:
When do I get to transform?
Cringer:
Just do your little 'by the power' thingy.
Adam:
By the power of Grayskull!
Ash:
Pikachu, I choose you! Thunder Bolt, now!
Pikachu:
Pi...ka...chuuuu!
*Pikachu's
energy hit's Adam's sword. Fortunately, he was wearing rubber
gloves, and didn't die. Wait, it turns out there was a tiny
hole in the thumb of the glove. Adam dies.*
Adam
(Back from the dead): I have-Hey, I've changed costumes! Change
the dialogue line!
He-Man:
That's better. I have the power!
*Adam
shoots Cringer. Cringer becomes Battle Cat. Then, he dies.*
Ash:
Battle Cat, Return!
*Battle
Cat is pulled into Ash's Poké Ball. Ash tosses the ball to
He-Man*
He-Man:
Thanks! Now, it's time for the Poké Rap!
PART
93˝-- If you're keeping score, then you must request medical
help immediately.
*Skeletor
is inside Snake Mountain, practicing the Riverdance of Doom*
Skeletor
(Reading the guide '12 Steps to perfect Riverdancing for the
purpose of doom): It's just a jump to the left.
Rocky
Horror Singers: And then a step to the riiight!
Arms
Akimbo: Put your hands on your hips.
Man-At-Arms:
I built a device!
He-Man:
Nobody cares!
Nobody:
I care!
Rod:
Nobody cares about me.
Sea
Hawk (That's me!): Me either.
*Strongarm
enters*
Strongarm:
Me either.
Skeletor:
Who the hell are you?
Strongarm:
I was that one guy who -- um...nevermind
*Strongarm
exits*
Man-At-Arms:
My device performs the ultimate, flawless spellcheck!
MFLulder:
ONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
GoG:
What?
MFLulder:
Um...I mean NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Leanne:
That's better!
Skeletor:
I want more lines!
Spikor:
I want more spines!
Rhyme-Man
(My own creation): That rhymes!
Keldor,
Geldor, and Eldor: So do our names!
Glimmer
and Moss Man: So do our names!
Two-Bad
and Two-Bad: So do ours! No they don't! Yes they do! No they
don't! Your momma! No your momma!
Adam
(take yer pick): Quiet, you!
He-Ro
and Adam: Boot!
*The
stupid people are booted*
GoG:
Yay!
*Orko
dies*
GoG:
Yay!
*Oh,
what the hell, Orko dies again. So does Loo-Kee.*
GoG:
Yay!
*Everyone
disappears*
GoG
(disappeared): Boo!
Cringer:
I'm scared!
Scooby-Doo:
Ree Too!
Scrappy-Dappy-Doo:
Puppy power!
*He-Man,
Skeletor, and the GoG reappear.*
GoG
(Reappeared): Yay!
Ash:
I challenge both of you!
He-Man:
He-Man chooses Battle Cat!
*Battle
Cat jumps from his Poké Ball*
Battle
Cat (With an unbelievable cramp from being stuffed into a
cage the size of a ping-pong ball.): Char!
*Battle
Cat mauls Ash*
GoG:
Yay!
Xena:
I challenge He-Man!
GoG:
Boo!
Cringer:
I'm scared!
Scooby-Doo:
Ree too!
MFLulder:
Yay! Xena!
*He-Man
chops Xena's arms off. Xena does her only available attack
and bleeds on him.*
Xena:
'Tis only a flesh wound.
Skeletor:
Die, woman!
*Skeletor
shoots Xena. Xena is reduced to Ash.*
Ash:
I challenge both of you!
*Ash
is reduced to Ash*
GoG:
Wha?
*Ash
dies*
GoG:
Oh. Yay!
*He-Man
and Skeletor are now going to fight alone. No one else is
going to enter or interfere. I hope.*
He-Man:
I have the power!
Skeletor:
You did that already.
He-Man:
Okay...I'll defeat you now, Skeletor!
Skeletor:
No you won't!
He-Man:
Yep.
Skeletor:
Nuh-uh.
He-Man:
Oh yeah?
Skeletor:
Yeah!
He-Man:
I'll get you!
Skeletor:
Gotta catch me first!
*He-Man
chases Skeletor around in circles for awhile*
He-Man:
Stop this madness!
Skeletor:
Our house, in the middle of our street!
Skeletor
(interrupting himself): I have created a creature!
Skeletor
(interrupting again): It will destroy you once and for all!
Skeletor
(interrupting the interruption): It's not polite to interrupt!
Skeletor:
Quiet, you!
Skeletor:
Cheesor, attack!
Cheesor:
Skaw!
He-Man:
That's not a new monster!
Skeletor:
Yes it is!
Cheesor:
Skaw!
He-Man:
That's just Beast Man covered in gouda!
Skeletor:
Actually, it's limburger.
He-Man:
Battle Cat, rush him!
Battle
Cat: Rush Limburger?
He-Man:
Yes!
*Battle
Cat calls up Rush Limbaugh. Battle Cat asks if his refrigerator
is running. Rush says yes. Battle Cat tells him to catch it.
Rush hangs up. Battle Cat laughs. If you're reading this,
you need a life.*
He-Man:
Fine. I'll just destroy limburger man myself.
*He-Man
blasts Cheesor with his sword. Cheesor turns into Battle Cat.*
Battle
Cat (Not the one covered in cheese): Hey!
Battle
Cat (The Cheesy one): Skaw!
*Cheesor,
no longer Battle Cat, is re-blasted, and the cheese melts.
A stinky Beast Man runs away.*
Stinkor
(With a cheesy French accent. Or would that be fromage-y?):
Ha ha! I weel have zee vile-zmelleeng one for my mate! Come
to me, you ztinky fromage!
Skeletor:
Oh no, you beat my puny monster! Run away, run away!
*He
runs away like a little pansy*
Randor:
He's such a little pansy.
He-Man:
Well, once again, good stands triumphant over evil.
Good
(Standing triumphant): Ha!
Evil
(Under good): Get off me!
*Everyone
laughs, Orko and Loo-Kee die, then they die again for good
measure*
FIN
Mer-Man:
I have one of those. Maybe two or three!
He-Man:
I have the power.
Director:
Beautiful! This makes up for your mispronouncing of seventeen
in the beginning.
*We'll
wait casually as you look back to the first scene to find
what this is referencing. Take five, everyone. Smoke if you
got 'em. Anyone want a mai thai?*
*What,
you're back already? Okay, break's over!*
He-Man:
That director is really Skeletor in disguise!
*He-Man
kills the Director. It turns out he's not really Skeletor*
He-Man:
Well, maybe he isn't. Oops.
Battle
Cat: Don't you have to throw the sword away now?
He-Man:
Eh, maybe later.
THE
END..?
Yeah,
it is.
ARE
YOU SURE?
Absolutely.
The end.
THE
WHAT?
End!
The End!
OH,
OKAY. THE END.
Wait!
I forgot to put in a Dolph Lundgren joke! There aren't enough
GoG scenes! I didn't reveal that Zodac is really-
Zodac:
Zapp.
Sea
Hawk: Exactly. Now, let's show some scenes from our next two
specials: "World's Wildest Amish Parties 16" and "When Cute
Animals Aren't Really That Cute 4,176."
