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Ask Gorpo!
Volume 14: December 20, 2002

 

Ah, the holiday season, when lovers kiss beneath upheld holly, fat bearded men practice home invasion, and Skeletor hugs little kids...I hate it.
Anyway, on to the questions...


Hi.
Was just reading your funny Gorpo columns when a much
sleazier image of Orko's ne'er do well brother popped
into my head.(see below) God knows why.
Enjoy your site. keep up the good work!
Chris

Dear Chris,
My, what a flattering portrayal. Nonetheless, I have deigned to reward your hard work by posting your picture...now don't ever do it again!



Dear Gorpo, (Master of the Universe and all that good stuff...), I'm sure everyone is curious...what exactly WAS the Big Chicken Incident...?
-Remliss S.
PS You have my vote for Ruler of the Universe. You're smarter than the Eternians, I'll tell you that much.

Dear RS,
I'm afraid I'm prohibited from discussing the Big Chicken Incident, by court order. Let's just say, the next time you see a chicken, DON'T LET IT KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID! They can smell fear!



Dear Gorpo,
I have been wondering something for a while now. I was wondering how Skeletor can talk or breath or have any movement on his face when he has no face to begin with. Think about it.
Adam

Dear Adam,
Skeletor talks with his mouth.
(*snicker*)



Hi, I'm spanish boy, excuse for my english... (is very bad)... ejem..my question for Gorpo is: "when New MOTU will be forward in Europe??"... Thanks for all. Bye from spain!!

Uh...que?


Dear Gorpo, purplest of Trollans,
I have a question to ask of you. You see, I'm a Trollan myself, and so is my partner, Trillian. We're not relatives of Orko the Great, but we'd sure like to meet him one day. But that's not the point. You see, Trillian and I run magic shows together. Like I said, we're partners, but the thing is, one of us is defintely smarter and a better leader than the other. We want to find out who the better Trollan is to be the head of our partnership, to schedule shows and to announce magic acts and that. We've been partners for a few months and friends for much longer, so we don't know who to say is "better". What do you suggest we do to decide who the rightful leader is?
Sincerely,
Qurialedrilin Abyrid Lalekon Jareradus-Elladith, ancestral line of D'hrakel VI

Dear Q,
It's quite simple. *I* am your rightful leader. Bow down before me.
I mean it. Bow down. Now.


Dear Gorpo,
Is it true that all exceptionally wise and crafty wizards burn patchouli incense and listen mostly to 70's progressive rock? And if so, where do your preferences lie? Hawkwind, ELO, Yes, or Supertramp? Also, what are the chances of any the above being booked for a show/reunion tour in the greater parts of Eternia? I really need to know this so I can get the proper stereo acoustics right as far as setting the proper harmony to karma adjustments for my MOTU figures.
Dave Woodrum

Dear Dave,
Yes, in fact most wizards *do* burn incense and listen to '70s progressive rock. I'm partial to King Crimson. Last I heard, Yes was in talks to play the Evergreen Forest and Snake Mountain, but Randor won't let them near Eternos. Philistine.



Hey Gorpo,
If you had to choose between She-Ra, Adora or Teela, who would you want to be stuck on a beach resort with and why?
Your fan for life,
He-Maniac

Dear HM,
I'd take Adora, because then I'd have Adora AND She-Ra!

Well, that's it for now, G-fans. Be sure to send me more of your inane blath - I mean, your excellent questions, and perhaps I'll heave them up here on my column! Until then, remember, *I* have the power!