I'm Gorpo the Pretty Good (you may know my brother, Orko the
Great, who is busy saving Eternia single-handedly and with
absolutely no help whatsoever from anyone at all from Skeletor).
Anyway, I've been, uh, asked to do this as a part of my community
service after the Big Chicken Incident (don't ask, really).
So ask about life, love, poultry, whatever. Just send it my
way at email@example.com
and I'll try to answer as best I can. By the way, you can
find all the old issues here.
AH-CHOO! *Sngllxxx*...sowwy 'bout dat, Mad-ad-Awbs. I'b suwe
id'll cub righd oud. Weww, weadahs, I seeb do hab debeboped
a code. I knew Id wus a bad idea do stawd dading Fwosta. Awthough
she'd supwidingly hot id bed...uh...adyway, since my figgers
aw geddig swowwen ad id huwts do dawk, da heewows ob Ederdia
aw goig do wepwy do yo weddahs. Dow I dink dat NyQuil iz daking...affek...ooohhh...guglrgurlgggurgul...
someone pull him out of the punch bowl before he drowns? Oh,
thanks Roger. I'm beginning to think that maybe those asylum
people were wrong about you. Hey! How many times do I have
to tell you that Trollans aren't built for that? Oh, sorry
readers, I've got to go...eew...clean that up. Man-At-Arms,
would you mind answering the first question?"
don't mind at all, Adam."
Now could someone get me a mop?"
Well I'd like to say that I love Masters of the Universe. I
think that whole plot of the story is incredibly brilliant.
I have one simple question to ask: Why can't anybody put He-Man
back on the air like they did with Thundercats on Cartoon Network
on cable? P.S. I think that would be the best idea ever...please
get back if not too late
Well, it's quite simple why they don't put He-Man on the air
again. See, the variating frequencies of the mechanically-equipped
antifragmenting satellite dishes are improperly aligned, pointing
at a twenty-three point seven six five five nine repeating
angle, rather than the required twenty-three point seven six
five FOUR nine repeating angle, directing the wavelengths
of the television broadcast wave over the elliptically orbiting
satellite linkup network, bouncing the signal off of Olympia
Mons on Mars and deflecting it toward the debugging station
in the magnetic fields of the South Pole, which floods the
broadcast with static and antineutrinos, causing the hole
in the ozone layer to grow bigger, and essentially killing
all life on the planet. And that's why you don't see He-Man
on TV anymore. Or is that why moose lost the ability to fly?
I forget. Oh well, I hope that answers your question.
the Power of Grayskull, I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRR!"
wh-why are y-you transforming? W-we d-d-don't h-h-have to
fight S-Skeletor or a-anything."
let's go kick some--I mean, answer some letters, Cat!"
sounds good to me, He-Man!"
Although the answer is probably completely obvious to you all,
I have a current need to know exactly why Evil-Lyn was evil.
Was she ever just Lyn? You see, I haven't watched or even thought
about He-Man for years, but all of a sudden, I have found myself
reliving an intense interest, and this question has recurred
frequently in my mind. In short, why did Evil-Lyn work for Skeletor?
Did she have any hair? Why was she so jaundiced? Why did she
hate He-Man so much? Was there a life before her evil deeds?
Is there any chance of her being reformed? Was she really in
love with Adam's father? Answers, answers, I need them, and
I HAVE THE POWER! Uh...to answer your question, I mean. Well,
you see, Evil-Lyn *was* evil. Very evil. Hence the name. "Evil"-Lyn.
It's all very clever, actually. And why haven't you thought
about me in years? I mean, I'm a very good-looking guy. I
invade many dreams and thoughts, you know. Oh well, I haven't
thought about you in years either, so I suppose it all balances
out. Come to think of it, I haven't thought about much of
anything in years. Weird, huh? Anyway, apparently, after doing
some research on Evil-Lyn's Home Page, "Evil-Lyn's Dark
Domain of Evil and Torment and Bad Stuff!" It appears
that before she became Evil-Lyn she was known as "Lyn,"
"Snobby-Lyn," "Not-Very-Nice-Lyn," "Downright-Nasty-Lyn,"
and "Princess Fluffy." She worked for Skeletor because
she needed the money. And apparently she works hard for the
money. So hard for the money. So you'd better treat her right.
Anyway, she has hair in three different spots. Take a guess,
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. She was so jaundi...jaun...um...I
don't know what that word means. Moving on, she hates me so
much because once I ate at the restaurant where she worked
as topless waitress, and I only left a 12% tip. She's held
a grudge ever since, but it would never have happened if she'd
held the mayo instead. I hates mayonnaise. Especially on my
spaghetti. She'll only be reformed after wearing a neon orange
jumpsuit and working on community service for three hundred
hours. And if she was in love with my...er...Adam's father,
I never heard about it, but I'm sure mom...uh...the Queen,
I mean, will give him the third degree after hearing it. Ha
Hey Gorpo, Was there ever a He-Man/She-Ra soundtrack? If there
was, what was it called and where can I get it? Thanks U 4 your
There never was a He-Man/She-Ra soundtrack, but if there had
been, it would deserve to be treated just like every other
soundtrack, and should know what it's like to be free. That
is why I lead the Great Rebellion against the Horde, so humans
and animals and soundtracks and rabbits and fuzzy little caterpillars
alike can enjoy freedom and the same basic rights entitled
to all living creatures, great or small, pretty or ugly, fuzzy
or bald, charismatic or Bow, and everything else. So, you
see, hurting animals or Soundtracks is wrong, and it's not
good to discriminate between them. I love all soundtracks
equally, from "Sixteen Candles" to "The Empire
Strikes Back" to "Horde Prime Sings Broadway Hits."
And that's why I fight against the Horde, so we can preserve
the equality of all living creatures and make sure they're
treated fairly. So go out and plant a tree and hug some bunnies,
and have a conversation with a wall. Walls get so lonely.
And remember, if we stick together, we can defeat the Horde,
because we may not have super powers or massive armies or
weapons of mass destruction, but we do have...uh...well, I
was going somewhere with that, but I forget now. Anyway, remember
that you have the same rights as everyone else, great and--
mom, I'm just answering a letter!
know, and it's time for your Ritalin, so sign the letter and
let someone else have a turn."
is something special planned for when the site hits onemillion
The answer is quite simple, my good man. When the site reaches
one million hits, all chaos will break loose and unequivocably
destroy mankind. Eventually, the force of the website's newly-awakened
sentience will create enough energy that it will collapse
in upon itself and draw the universe inside of it, compressing
all of existence into something the size of a pin's point.
Or, apparently, the size of your puny, feeble brain. Humans...
one day I'll show you! I shall have my revenge, my plans are
coming to fruition, and the time of my triumph is close at--
are you writing that?"
no, He-Man, I'm ah...just uh...saving Man-At-Arms' seat. He
went to dah, go get a Pepsi One.
sounds like Duncan, all right! I'll talk to you later, Rammy."
fool. I will show him, I'll show them all! And soon...very
soon, the world will come crawling to my springy legs! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
are you laughing at, Ram-Man?"
just a Garfield cartoon I read.
your future lord and master
WHY DONT U DO A HEMAN/DRAGONBALLZ CROSSOVER?? EVERYONE WOULD
WATCH IT!!!!1 THEN U COULD MAKE A HEMAN/DBZ VIDEOGAME AND MAKE
A SECRET CHARCTER BE WONDERBREAD HEMAN!!!! THEN THE OTHER SECRET
CHARCTER COULD BE FRIEZA!!!1
I really don't see the point of writing this. My planet-sized
brain is being wasted on this futile, menial task. "Roboto,
open the door" "Roboto, pick up that paper"
"Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto"...I've heard them all
a million times. The lack of intelligence around here is enough
to make me want to vomit. But I have no mouth, only this orange
beak. Oh, the pain continues. Like the pain in my malfunctioning
servos. That mental midget Man-At-Arms can make an interdimensional
transporter from three breadsticks and a cheese log, but he
never has the time to oil my servos. Oh, the pain of it all,
there's absolutely no point to my existence. I just depress
people. I should have been deactivated years ago, but *no*,
the pain could never end. There isn't a quick finale for me.
Oh, yes, your query. It's quite stupid, and I see no point
in even paying attention to it. And you need better grammar.
But there's no point in my telling you that, you don't care.
No one cares what I have to say, I'm just a lowly robot.
who doesn't even see the point of signing his name. The pain
I've got a great idea for a new series. He-man gets altered
in a experiment with Man-at-arms and becomes Super He-man! In
episode 1 he can fly and stops Skeletor, in episode 2 he kills
Hordac, in episode 3 king Hiss comes to town!!
Well, you zzzee, we already tried that bzzzz. But Man-At-Armzzzizzz
machine exploded zzzzzz, and He-Man didn't get new abilitiezzz,
juzzzt a bad razzzsh, bzzzzzzizzzeeezz. He called himzzzelf
Zzzuper He-Mannnnzznzzzn for awhile, but got zzzued for copyright
infringement, zzzz. And Zzzzzzkeletor juzzzt laughed at the
bzzzzzz big red "Szzzz" they painted on hizzz bzzzzz
chezzzt. Then King Hizzzzzzzzz zzzzz came to town, but only
for the weekend, zzzzz. He had zzzome coffee and left for
good. Thankzzz for zzzee idea, though.
I hate to say it, but that's the end of this session. We had
to cut it short because Orko, attempting to bring in more letters,
accidentally unleashed a demon creature capable of destroying
the universe, and spilled soup on Man-At-Arms. Ha! Take that,
evil creature! Feel the power of Grayskull gettin' medieval
on your ugly tail! Anyway, we hope Gorpo will be well-rested
and hopped up on Sudafed and Chicken Soup for the next batch
of letters. As he would say, "guglrgurlgggurgul."
Oh, I mean "bye."
it for this batch of letters. I guess. Everyone with problems
(and that includes you) keep writing to firstname.lastname@example.org!"